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Review
“If there can be a pill to cure the heartbreak of rejection, this book may be it.”—Rabbi Harold Kushner, bestselling author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People and How Good Do We Have to Be?
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About the Author
Susan Anderson has devoted more than thirty years of clinical experience and groundbreaking research to helping people overcome abandonment and its aftermath of self-sabotaging patterns. A pioneer in the Abandonment Recovery movement, she is author of Black Swan, The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection, and Taming Your Outer Child. In addition to conducting lectures and leading workshops, she continues private practice in Manhattan and on Long Island.
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Product details
Paperback: 384 pages
Publisher: Berkley; Revised, Updated edition (September 2, 2014)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780425273531
ISBN-13: 978-0425273531
ASIN: 0425273539
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 1 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
81 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#39,572 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This is a life changing book, whether you were the result of an unwanted pregnancy, had trauma from a loved one dying or being very ill while you were growing up, or were dumped by a family member, boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse. I have read too many books on this subject. This is the one I wish I would have found FIRST. Be sure to do the exercises to achieve the most recovery and healing. I can't say enough good things about Susan Anderson. I also recommend you read her book "The Black Swan." That book too has changed my life. Thank you so much Susan, from the bottom of my heart, for your important contribution to humanity.
I've been going through a separation and now a divorce for nearly a year. I've spent a good deal of time in therapy and have been to several different therapists. I've read numerous articles, books, and just about anything recommended to me. While I still believe talking to a professional in the field can be extremely valuable, this book has helped me understand the whirlwind of emotions I've been hit with better than anything else. I wish I would have read this book first, as soon as the separation began (for my own benefit, that is; the book itself meets you where you are, whether you've recently experienced abandonment or are still struggling with issues from childhood and beyond). Anderson thoroughly and carefully explains abandonment in all its forms and stages, guiding you and illustrating the behaviors, emotions, and even possible root causes associated with them. Each time I begin reading, I find myself identifying with emotions I didn't even realize I was experiencing, and noticing behavioral patterns in myself that I was completely unaware of. If you are dealing with any type of abandonment, I can't recommend this book highly enough. It's the first thing that made me think, if only for a moment, that I could survive this tremendously devastating experience.
I am a counselor-in-training (LPC-Intern) who was dumped and served divorce papers suddenly by my husband of 30+ years just before Christmas 2015. This book has been the most helpful one I've read as I work through the many confusing thoughts and the emotions which are still so raw. I will be recommending this book to clients.
I found this book to be a true self help with excellent references. The author not only understands abandonment on a multifaceted level but has also experienced the raw emotion. The exercises are simple with profound results. The road to healing is continuous but tools are always there. Even if you haven't experienced a partner leaving you the process is the same for any abandonment issues. Most of my original issues were from early childhood with a father dying when I was 3 months old and later going to an orphanage and foster home. I thought I had dealt with all those issues through therapy many years but found this "journey" healing and eye opening. Thank you Susan! I'm going to read the "Taming Your Outer Child" next.
I wanted to be sure to post a review of the books that helped me through a dark time in my life. I am always surprised to find how few reviews some of these books have, and then I'm curious how many copies are actually sold, but people just don't take time to review them. This book helped me understand what was going on biochemically in my body and brain, and why I was finding it so hard to move beyond my abandonment. I like the exercises that were presented in the book, especially the Big You/Little You dialog. For anyone who is struggling to understand the concept of Inner Child in therapy work or group work, I found this exercise the one thing that helped me work through this concept. It certainly isn't easy, but totally necessary. I only wish I had found this book in the beginning of my abandonment; it would have been a much more timely guidebook!
IF you have been thru a traumatic loss of a significant person in your life (even it's a platonic relationship), that does NOT involve death - you need to get this book. The author seems to have done a "Vulcan-mind-meld" on me (like Mr. Spock could do) and has written about it. She KNOWS the subject in-and-out, having gone through it herself.Non-death abandonment is a whole DIFFERENT animal than loss-from-death, and I haven't lived in an industrialized country that doesn't stigmatize it, or diminish it in one way or another. (Probably because most people have experienced it at some time, and until now, no one has known how to recover from it. And trust me, no matter how long ago it happened, if it was traumatic for you, and you never truly healed from it, just 'forgotten' about it...it's still sitting inside you like a tumor!)I've shown this book and read bits of it to my PhD therapist, who does grief work, and she ordered a copy for herself!!
I have not finished reading the book yet but so far it is clear that her way of viewing abandonment pain is not just a band aid of yanking yourself back into life and writing affirmations. From the start the book sets a tone of great empathy. The author has also been through the journey of being abandoned and healing from it so she is not just talking from a soap box. She writes about this type of loss as a very real and tangible injury to our being that must be attended to with great self care rather than a forget and move on approach. This book holds great potential for healing. While it does not placate a sense of being a victim, it does empathize and you certainly feel anything but abandoned by the authors care in writing this book.
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